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I’m starting to live a new life. It’s not the life I would have chosen, but it’s the one I have now. For example, I saw a sermon by Tim Keller for singles about the gift of singleness. I realized that is the “gift” I have now. I listened to it and it was surprisingly encouraging. I realized I don’t have the encumbrances I once had and am free to minister to others in ways I couldn’t before. I just have to find out what that is going to look like.

Summer Bible Study

I have been going to a Bible study this summer that has been on a hard topic–Respectable Sins. It is by Jerry Bridges. You may need to read the first two chapters more than once while you go through it. Especially if you have a background that was at all legalistic.

That’s okay. It’s easy to fall into the trap of legalism when reviewing sins that are easy to fall into, especially if you grew up in the church. It has been a very helpful and convicting reminder. And the first two chapters of the book reminded us that Jesus is not looking to make us miserable. He wants to make our lives in Christ more vibrant, alive, and healthy.

Living out our lives as people who can easily and humbly seek forgiveness from both God and each other is always a good thing. Learning how to repent and what it means to repent is good too. All of this has been part of our study.

It’s with a great group of ladies. It’s a combination of people I’m not usually with and has been very fun and stimulating. This group yesterday was also a group like that. It’s fun to meet new people or get to know people we knew in different settings.

New Supper Group

I’m also sitting with a fun group for suppers where I live. We couldn’t be more diverse. And that makes it very fun. All kinds of things pop up in conversation. The most fun thing is that most of us are not shy about saying what we think. Not in mean ways, but in observant ways that often come off as funny. We’re glad to have new people at the table too. So it makes for fun and interesting conversation. Add to that, that some of us are hard of hearing…well, you can must imagine some of the hilarity.

New Plans for Summer

My plan for the summer was to visit my daughter and family in the Seattle area in early July. Then return here and get more involved in some of the responsibilities I was doing before Ron got sicker and I had to drop them. Then the trip got delayed to the end of July and now it is delayed until early August. When I get back from Seattle, I will start going to GriefShare with a friend who is also a recent widow.

Oh well, that’s fine. I’ll be ready for sure to get helping out. But the delineation will be clearer. I’ll be getting back into things after school has started here. (Which is early August.) Most likely, it will be after Labor Day. I guess God knew a better timing for me than I did.

Time to Settle in, Grieve, Adjust, Take Baby Steps

I’m more settled in my new apartment. I’m not quite settled into a new routine. I’ll never be used to Ron’s being gone. That is like a big empty hole! But one thing I do know. He would hate for me to sit and sob for too long after he was gone and enjoying himself in heaven. Even more so, now that he has a heavenly perspective.

Yes, it is totally healthy for me to grieve his loss. I am doing that and will continue to do so. But I will also get out and interact with people as I have been. It is healthy for me and them.

We’re picking out a Marker for Ron’s Grave this Week

So this week, I’m picking out a marker for the gravesite. It’s something I could have done earlier, I just didn’t know it. Everyone I talked to did it after about 3 months. I thought it had to do with the ground settling or something. It didn’t. I guess that just happened to be when they got around to it.

So that is where my starting over progress is being made. It is step by step. It’s very small steps at a time. Then, I’ll have a day when I sleep very late. Or a night or two when I stay up very late because I hate going to bed alone. Then I move on. Step, Step. Step.

But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh…
 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.  And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit.

Galatians 5:16, 22-25 ESV